If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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