I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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