How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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