Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
