we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
