Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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