woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize