awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize