So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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