I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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