i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
