i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
