you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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