I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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