She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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