I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize