i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
