We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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She told me I should be a condom model.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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