I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
