The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
