i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
