wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
