You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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