got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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