I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
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Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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