He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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