put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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