you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
