It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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