He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
