My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
