sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
