never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
