i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
