So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
