I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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