she was so not down for the gang bang
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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