im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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