come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
