Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
