she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
