I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
