Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
