you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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