I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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