Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
