I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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