Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
