Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
