Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
