I CAN MOONWALK!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
