So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
