nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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