In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
