At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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