he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
