The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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