i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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