Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
