I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I need moral support for this bender
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
