i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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