It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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